I would like to make an argument for nurturing contentment over happiness. But first we have to sufficiently define contentment.
Contentment has its roots in Latin, a combination of con- (“with”, “together”) and tenere (“to have, to hold”, which Spanish speakers will recognize immediately). This is the same root of the word “contents”, which we know addresses what is on the inside. The Latin root meant “to hold together, to enclose”, as in a container, a vessel. Through French the word came to mean “satisfied, whole”, which we have largely kept in English, though occasionally we tack on an idea that one is satisfied specifically with existing or perceived limitations, that one will go no further. Personally, I think this is a misappropriation of the original meanings “whole” and “held together”.
When you think of contentment, I want you to think of being whole.
In much of culture, especially Western culture, we strive for happiness. Who doesn’t want happiness? I certainly enjoy happiness. Marketing and self-help books are often filled with pictures of healthy, smiling people. The subtext is that we too should be like them. And that is fine. But I would argue that true happiness is more conducive with a state of wholeness, of contentment.
Happiness often comes from external factors. We meet a goal. We meet a friend. We see a good game or movie. We watch birds playing in the trees. Contentment comes from within. With contentment, we first and primarily accept ourselves. We can want to change aspects of ourselves while simultaneously accepting ourselves. They are not mutually exclusive. From this state of self-acceptance, we can nurture self-love. From here, we can turn our eyes on our environment, on the people and things in our life, and better nurture love in our relationships and connections there.
Contentment comes from inside, and can be a perpetual state. Happiness tends to rely on external factors, and is a momentary state. With contentment, however, it is easier to reach moments of happiness.
With contentment we also acknowledge our environment. We see the situation and accept it. This does not mean the situation must be problem-free. We can recognize problems that need change, but we acknowledge and accept that life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, that there will always be work to do. Perfection is a construct, with conditions set by the observer. When we accept the situation, we are also acknowledging any work that needs to be done, and we do this from our state of wholeness.
Many old holy books talk about contentment. It is at the core of many Eastern philosophies, and rooted with meditation and mindfulness. Buddhism is popular for the idea of freeing oneself from desire. This concept has troubled some, because it sounds like a state where one no longer is interested in growing, no longer interested in doing. But what it is really about is being careful of excess and obsession, what it is really about is acknowledging and accepting oneself and life in the manner discussed above.
If a person states, “I will be happy when X happens,” then that desire places conditions on happiness instead of accepting the present and finding gratitude and contentment here. You can still work towards your goal of course, but by making happiness contingent on external factors, a person will always be chasing external factors. Contentment is a matter of here and now.
Christian scriptures recognize certain problems with desire, as well, giving attention especially to aspects such as covetousness and greed. The apostle Paul spoke about contentment in his famous writing to the Philippians. The line, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength,” is well known even among many non-Christians. But less known are the verses before that which read:
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
And then he goes on to talk about his internal strength. His anchor was spiritual, which is appropriate. Whether we are part of a religion, or whether we are seekers recognizing our own unique journey, or whether we have disavowed any form of religion or spirituality, the state of contentment, of wholeness, is a special place of strength that can have a profound effect on our perceptions and experiences.
So I would like to argue that instead of happiness, we strive for contentment. Through this state of wholeness, this state of contentment, this internal wellspring, we can better enrich our lives and that of others, which will include more moments of happiness.